Dear Ranger Mike,
It's been almost 3 months since I posted in this blog. I had this idea in my head that I would be writing to you every time we passed a milestone - but so much has happened and so quickly that this blog fell by the wayside. So today, I am playing catch-up while you are at work. I felt like writing, anyway. :)
In the last three months... your mother moved to Millinocket, my employment in MA ended, and and we've checked a ton of things off of our Wedding To-Do List. Most women would be less than thrilled to have their future mother-in-law move so close, but I think we both know that I'm not most women and you have a pretty kick-ass mother. Having Kathy here in Millinocket has been awesome. I can see how happy it has made you to be able to spend time with her and Jon, and I have enjoyed getting to know her better. My relationship with her has become important not just because it is important to you, but also because she is someone that I respect and want in my life of her own accord.
Losing my job at Taxware was tough. I spent ten years with the company, and much of that was spent thanklessly working 70-80 hours a week for a company that didn't appreciate me. But I grew up at Taxware. I came in straight out of college at 21, and when anything was tough in my personal life - I threw myself into my work because it was the one thing I always knew I was "good" at. I became known for my work ethic and was the go-to person in many cases. It made me feel good. It made me feel like I mattered. When they eliminated my position in the re-structure, I went through a period where my self-confidence was shattered. I was so afraid to tell you about it, even though I knew you wouldn't be mad at me. I had this intense fear of disappointing you and putting all of the pressure on you to provide for our family. I grasped at straws trying to figure out who I was without being a "career woman."
When I reflect on that time now, I realize that it was a blessing in disguise. Not only did it provide me with an opportunity to come home earlier, it also gave me an even deeper appreciation for you. I acted like a woman going through a bad break-up. I cried sometimes without knowing why, and I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. You were there for me through it all, waking up in the middle of the night to hold me, being my sounding board when I needed to vent, and just re-assuring me that everything would be alright. And you were right. March 18th, 2016 I ended my employment with Taxware, and for the first time in my life found myself in the unemployment line. Now not only am I home where we can have a normal life together, but I've just been offered a job with Eastern Maine Community College that is only 15 minutes from home. I was angry with Taxware at first, but now I see it as their loss and our gain. I am so very happy to be home and so fortunate to have a man as supportive as you in my life.
And with the added benefit of being home every night - we've checked so much off the Wedding To-Do list in the last three months that I'm no longer nervous - only excited - for September. So many times each of us has said "Why don't you just put a ring on my finger right now?" - but I think we both know how important it is to do this right both for us and for our families. It's also been so much fun to plan for our big day with the people closest to us. I cannot wait to put a ring on your finger and take your last name, but I also cannot wait to have all of our family and friends in one place to share such an important day with us.
For me - as odd as it sounds - everything fell into place yesterday with my return to Millinocket. After a tough week with the kiddos full of both great moments and growing pains for us both and hearing the news I have been hired at EMCC - visiting Andrew on Friday night put it all into perspective. Our first day together, just the two of us, we spent the afternoon in simple moments enjoying each other's company with a little fishing and a few craft brews. I laughed so hard with you last night that my stomach is sore this morning. Days like yesterday are what I always dreamed my life would be like. You put it best when you said that if we had nights like that all the time, we would never need to go on vacation again. You were right. I know that life isn't always sunshine, rainbows, and pink fluffy unicorns - there will be tougher days sprinkled in there, too. But I know that I will have a life well-lived now that I have found my home here in Millinocket - you. Who knew all of those gypsy travels would bring me to find my home only 40 minutes from where I grew up?
I love you, honey, and I hope to be better about posting in this blog over the next four months. I don't know when I will share the blog with you, and who knows - you may find it on your own. But no matter when you read it, the message will stay the same. I love you forever, for always, and no matter what.
<3 Ziggy
Sunday, May 8, 2016
Save the Date - 02/02/2016
Dear Ranger Mike,
I've been unusually insecure and needy this weekend, but you've stayed just as supportive as you always are. You've held me when I needed to be held, snuggling with me when all I wanted to do was bury my face in your chest and block the world out, and making me laugh and smile when I may not have been as quick to. You are an amazing man, honey. I don't know what I ever did to be so lucky to have you by my side, but I am damn glad that I did it.
This weekend amidst all the adventures that we went on and all of the snuggles at home, we still made time to sit down and address almost a hundred Save the Dates. They all were mailed out Monday morning. Every step that we take, every to-do list item that is crossed off - it feels more and more real. But it's still so much like I'm living a dream. September 24th, 2016 I will stand in front of all of our friends and family as Morgan Winslow. I cannot wait to take your last name, honey.
I've been unusually insecure and needy this weekend, but you've stayed just as supportive as you always are. You've held me when I needed to be held, snuggling with me when all I wanted to do was bury my face in your chest and block the world out, and making me laugh and smile when I may not have been as quick to. You are an amazing man, honey. I don't know what I ever did to be so lucky to have you by my side, but I am damn glad that I did it.
This weekend amidst all the adventures that we went on and all of the snuggles at home, we still made time to sit down and address almost a hundred Save the Dates. They all were mailed out Monday morning. Every step that we take, every to-do list item that is crossed off - it feels more and more real. But it's still so much like I'm living a dream. September 24th, 2016 I will stand in front of all of our friends and family as Morgan Winslow. I cannot wait to take your last name, honey.
Letter to My Ranger - 01/11/2016
Dear Ranger Mike,
It's January 11th, 2016, although I will not publish this blog until a day almost a year from now. Nearly two months ago, at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, during the most amazing adventure - you asked me to be your wife. Everything in my life fell into place in that moment, and although I was a few thousand miles from Maine - it felt like coming home.
With holidays, home renovations, kids, and all the chaos that ensues at that time of year - we haven't really taken too many steps in checking off those items on our wedding "to-do" list. Until just last week, that is. Now we have a wedding website, Save the Dates, a guest list, and just this weekend I found THE Dress. I keep waiting for someone to pinch me - to tell me I was asleep and this has all been just a dream. But no, I really am this lucky. I really do get to marry you in September.
I mean - c'mon.....how can you get any luckier than this:
I decided today that I'm going to write to you each time we pass some milestone. This one? Well finding the dress I get to wear in front of everyone as your wife is a pretty damn big deal, wouldn't you say? :) I feel so very fortunate to have the supportive family and friends in my life that I have now. That all blossomed since meeting you. Boots and Mama Bear were amazing this weekend, and it's crazy to think that I've known none of you longer than a year, but sitting here today I cannot imagine what my life was like without you.
You have made my life so much richer by standing by my side. Sharing life with you is such a contrast to how my life was without you that I can't even comprehend what my life was like a year ago. Of course I lived it, I experienced it, felt it, loved it, and hated it. But sitting here today I cannot feel that life, I cannot recognize who I was back then, and that is not a bad thing.
You have brought out all of the best parts of me, Honey. You have quieted all the voices that would nibble away at my insecurities and calmed all of the storms my thoughts would create. You've helped me grow into the person I have always wanted to be, and I can only hope that I do some small part to make you feel the same way.
This journey we are preparing for will truly be my life's greatest adventure. It will have ups and downs. It will see me take up the role of step-mother again with Cora and Greg - who I love to pieces no matter how exhausting being a parent can be. It will see me move not only back to Maine, but to Northern Maine where I belong. Our path will lead me back to all of the things I once knew were possible but lost along the way. I'm finding it hard to express to you how thankful I am for you - for your love and support, your guidance, your friendship.
You are the love of my life, Ranger Mike Winslow. It's a simple statement of something so complex that it can't be defined. You are my home, you are my love, you are my best friend, and you are my greatest adventure. I may sit here several hundred miles away babbling on about intangible things, but one thing is as real as it gets. I love you forever, for always, and no matter what.
<3
Ziggy
It's January 11th, 2016, although I will not publish this blog until a day almost a year from now. Nearly two months ago, at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, during the most amazing adventure - you asked me to be your wife. Everything in my life fell into place in that moment, and although I was a few thousand miles from Maine - it felt like coming home.
With holidays, home renovations, kids, and all the chaos that ensues at that time of year - we haven't really taken too many steps in checking off those items on our wedding "to-do" list. Until just last week, that is. Now we have a wedding website, Save the Dates, a guest list, and just this weekend I found THE Dress. I keep waiting for someone to pinch me - to tell me I was asleep and this has all been just a dream. But no, I really am this lucky. I really do get to marry you in September.
I mean - c'mon.....how can you get any luckier than this:
I decided today that I'm going to write to you each time we pass some milestone. This one? Well finding the dress I get to wear in front of everyone as your wife is a pretty damn big deal, wouldn't you say? :) I feel so very fortunate to have the supportive family and friends in my life that I have now. That all blossomed since meeting you. Boots and Mama Bear were amazing this weekend, and it's crazy to think that I've known none of you longer than a year, but sitting here today I cannot imagine what my life was like without you.
You have made my life so much richer by standing by my side. Sharing life with you is such a contrast to how my life was without you that I can't even comprehend what my life was like a year ago. Of course I lived it, I experienced it, felt it, loved it, and hated it. But sitting here today I cannot feel that life, I cannot recognize who I was back then, and that is not a bad thing.
You have brought out all of the best parts of me, Honey. You have quieted all the voices that would nibble away at my insecurities and calmed all of the storms my thoughts would create. You've helped me grow into the person I have always wanted to be, and I can only hope that I do some small part to make you feel the same way.
This journey we are preparing for will truly be my life's greatest adventure. It will have ups and downs. It will see me take up the role of step-mother again with Cora and Greg - who I love to pieces no matter how exhausting being a parent can be. It will see me move not only back to Maine, but to Northern Maine where I belong. Our path will lead me back to all of the things I once knew were possible but lost along the way. I'm finding it hard to express to you how thankful I am for you - for your love and support, your guidance, your friendship.
You are the love of my life, Ranger Mike Winslow. It's a simple statement of something so complex that it can't be defined. You are my home, you are my love, you are my best friend, and you are my greatest adventure. I may sit here several hundred miles away babbling on about intangible things, but one thing is as real as it gets. I love you forever, for always, and no matter what.
<3
Ziggy
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