Dear Ranger Mike,
It's been almost 3 months since I posted in this blog. I had this idea in my head that I would be writing to you every time we passed a milestone - but so much has happened and so quickly that this blog fell by the wayside. So today, I am playing catch-up while you are at work. I felt like writing, anyway. :)
In the last three months... your mother moved to Millinocket, my employment in MA ended, and and we've checked a ton of things off of our Wedding To-Do List. Most women would be less than thrilled to have their future mother-in-law move so close, but I think we both know that I'm not most women and you have a pretty kick-ass mother. Having Kathy here in Millinocket has been awesome. I can see how happy it has made you to be able to spend time with her and Jon, and I have enjoyed getting to know her better. My relationship with her has become important not just because it is important to you, but also because she is someone that I respect and want in my life of her own accord.
Losing my job at Taxware was tough. I spent ten years with the company, and much of that was spent thanklessly working 70-80 hours a week for a company that didn't appreciate me. But I grew up at Taxware. I came in straight out of college at 21, and when anything was tough in my personal life - I threw myself into my work because it was the one thing I always knew I was "good" at. I became known for my work ethic and was the go-to person in many cases. It made me feel good. It made me feel like I mattered. When they eliminated my position in the re-structure, I went through a period where my self-confidence was shattered. I was so afraid to tell you about it, even though I knew you wouldn't be mad at me. I had this intense fear of disappointing you and putting all of the pressure on you to provide for our family. I grasped at straws trying to figure out who I was without being a "career woman."
When I reflect on that time now, I realize that it was a blessing in disguise. Not only did it provide me with an opportunity to come home earlier, it also gave me an even deeper appreciation for you. I acted like a woman going through a bad break-up. I cried sometimes without knowing why, and I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. You were there for me through it all, waking up in the middle of the night to hold me, being my sounding board when I needed to vent, and just re-assuring me that everything would be alright. And you were right. March 18th, 2016 I ended my employment with Taxware, and for the first time in my life found myself in the unemployment line. Now not only am I home where we can have a normal life together, but I've just been offered a job with Eastern Maine Community College that is only 15 minutes from home. I was angry with Taxware at first, but now I see it as their loss and our gain. I am so very happy to be home and so fortunate to have a man as supportive as you in my life.
And with the added benefit of being home every night - we've checked so much off the Wedding To-Do list in the last three months that I'm no longer nervous - only excited - for September. So many times each of us has said "Why don't you just put a ring on my finger right now?" - but I think we both know how important it is to do this right both for us and for our families. It's also been so much fun to plan for our big day with the people closest to us. I cannot wait to put a ring on your finger and take your last name, but I also cannot wait to have all of our family and friends in one place to share such an important day with us.
For me - as odd as it sounds - everything fell into place yesterday with my return to Millinocket. After a tough week with the kiddos full of both great moments and growing pains for us both and hearing the news I have been hired at EMCC - visiting Andrew on Friday night put it all into perspective. Our first day together, just the two of us, we spent the afternoon in simple moments enjoying each other's company with a little fishing and a few craft brews. I laughed so hard with you last night that my stomach is sore this morning. Days like yesterday are what I always dreamed my life would be like. You put it best when you said that if we had nights like that all the time, we would never need to go on vacation again. You were right. I know that life isn't always sunshine, rainbows, and pink fluffy unicorns - there will be tougher days sprinkled in there, too. But I know that I will have a life well-lived now that I have found my home here in Millinocket - you. Who knew all of those gypsy travels would bring me to find my home only 40 minutes from where I grew up?
I love you, honey, and I hope to be better about posting in this blog over the next four months. I don't know when I will share the blog with you, and who knows - you may find it on your own. But no matter when you read it, the message will stay the same. I love you forever, for always, and no matter what.
<3 Ziggy
No comments:
Post a Comment